Please, i'm crying my head off and i want to die right now... i cant live like this?

Leave him. He's trying to control you. He is no good for you. Out of the mouth, the heart speaks. If he said it..He meant it. Whether he was "joking" or not..go and raise the baby with you and your parents help. If he wants to kill himself..that's on him. He's using that to keep you under his thumb. My friends husband did that to her when she said she wanted to divorce him..and she gave in..Don't cave!